


For it begs the question, how did I ever find you

by moreculturelesspop



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, First Kiss, Love Confessions, Season/Series 15, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:54:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26550055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moreculturelesspop/pseuds/moreculturelesspop
Summary: “Because you took a bottle of sleeping pills. You tried to kill yourself!”“I thought I’d never see you again. I thought I’d missed my chance to tell you how much you meant to me."
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 48





	For it begs the question, how did I ever find you

# For it begs the question, how did I ever find you

He can feel the despair through the walls of the bunker. Every loss of hope vibrates through the thick walls. It’s coming from Dean’s room. It wasn’t unusual for Cas to sense deep emotions from Dean’s room. Sadness. Love. Pain. Loss. But he had never sensed such despair. It was like Dean had given up on the world.

Cas gently knocks Dean’s door. He gets no response, not unusual as Dean often sleeps with his headphones on. He opens the door to see Dean led on his front, his arm hanging limp from his bed. On the floor is a little bottle of pills, someone else’s name printed on the side. Cas can hear how shallow his breathing is, how the tips of his fingers have turned a light shade of blue, how his skin is clammy. He rushes over to Dean, hearing the gurgling from his throat.

He kneels beside his bed and rolls him over. “What did you do?” he asks, to no response. He pulls Dean up into sitting position, his breathing evens, but his body is still limp. He rubs firmly at his chest with his knuckles, feeling his strong muscles beneath his grey Henley. Dean whimpers but slowly gains consciousness at the movement, as Cas crouches back in front of him. “Hey,” he hushes.

“He left,” he murmurs.

“Sam is okay, he is fine, he is safe, Eileen is with him.”

“He left me,” he murmurs again, his body lolling forwards into Cas’ arms.

“Hey, you need to stay awake,” he responds, rubbing at the back of Dean’s head, letting his grace run through him. Dean’s head is limp on Cas’ shoulder, his breath ragged and rattling.

“He left without knowing I loved him.”

“Sam is here, he is fine,” he repeats, lifting Dean back into sitting position. His eyes are open, but his pupils are as tiny as a pinprick. “He knows you love him, Dean.”

“I’m such a dick to my angel,” he murmurs, his lids heavy. “I can’t tell him how much I love him. Why can’t I tell-”

Cas cups his face in his hands, injecting more grace through his body, “Stay awake for me,” he says. “How much did you take?”

“Why won’t he love me, I want him to love me.” Cas can feel his heavy body trying to slumber, his eyelids drooping. He pulls Dean to his feet, holding him up with his arms under his body. He walks, almost drags, the man to the kitchen and sits him down at the table.

“Sam loves you, Dean.”

“Not Sam,” he says, he leans on his arm and sighs.

“Let’s get you some coffee,” Cas starts talking about some television comedy he had been watching recently, trying to keep Dean engaged enough to not fall back to sleep. He makes him a strong cup of black coffee and sits down beside him. He places his hand on his shoulder and lets his grace run through him. “Why would you do this Dean. You are so important, we need you, Sam needs you, I need you.”

“Cas?” he asks, some focus appearing in his eyes. He suddenly realises Cas is there, Cas hasn’t left him.

“I’m here,” he says, one hand on his shoulder and the other on his knee.

“Why did you go?”

“I’m here,” he whispers. Now wasn’t the time to talk about his issues with Dean. He felt the man’s despair, his loneliness, his hopelessness. Dean falls into Cas’ chest, his fists clutching at his shirt. “I’m here. Not going anywhere.”

“Don’t leave me. I can’t do it without you.”

“I’m here,” Cas repeats, feeling the comforting rise and fall of Dean’s back. He runs his hand up and down his back, feeling his breath becoming less rugged. The death rattle he had heard earlier was easing. He makes Dean drink his coffee, one hand never leaving his knee.

“I’m so tired,” he says, rubbing at his eyes.

“Let’s watch some TV, anything you’d like to watch.”

“I need sleep.”

“Dean!” Cas scolds, “You can’t sleep.”

Once Dean has drunk his coffee Cas drags him into the TV room. “Why can’t I go to my room.”

“Because you took a bottle of sleeping pills. You tried to kill yourself!” Cas says with a raised voice, sitting Dean down on the couch.

“I thought I’d never see you again. I thought I’d missed my chance to tell you how much you meant to me,” Dean murmurs, looking down at the floor.

“I know,” Cas hushes. “I’m not going anywhere.”

To think such an important person in the world would end it all because of the love of one pathetic, fallen angel. Cas leans in and gently kisses Dean. He wasn’t quite ready to forgive him, but he wanted Dean to know he would always be there for him.

**Author's Note:**

> This is not my favourite thing I have ever written but thought i'd post it anyway.


End file.
